Week 10
The Grief Process
This week I had to choose this topic because of my own real
life experiences with grief. I have had
to deal with this topic more than the average person has had to do in one’s
lifetime beginning at an early age. Through the reading on page 613 in the
textbook they talk about the phases one goes through when we lose a loved one,
bereavement, grief, and mourning. Out of those three phases I have dealt with
grief the most. A few background notes; my mother suffered from renal failure
when I was only six, she received a kidney transplant, however that failed
after fifteen years, she then was reliant on dialysis for many years after
that. My mother passed away when I was only twenty four, she was at a very
young age, only forty four. Only four short years after my mother passed I lost
my niece (barely 4yrs old) and nephew (only 2) in a tragic house fire. Later in
life when I was nearing my forties I lost my Grandparents within a year apart.
The reason I give this history is because I dealt with the grief of each
passing quite different. In the case of my mother I experienced “Anticipatory
grief”, I was way too young to lose her, but at the same time I had watched her
suffer throughout most my life. I remember going through a few of the reactions
they talk about in the book in regards to Kubler-Ross’s Theory about the five
reactions on how people deal with death, the one that sticks out most in regards to my
mother was the bargaining one. I remember trying to bargain with God in all my
prayers that she would live long enough to see her Grandchildren before she
died. Through fate she was able to see four out of the eight born between
myself and siblings.
When I lost my niece and nephew, of course the first
reaction was major anger, then huge depression (these kids were like my own). I
then took on a reaction not really discussed here, a “Protector” for my sister.
I learned to put my own grief on the back burner and focus on holding her
together. I can see by doing that I have took on a risk factor to myself because
I would not let myself grieve because I had to remain strong for her. To this
day losing those kids has been the worse tragedy I have had and still deal
with. They say losing a child is a lifelong grieving process and I can see why.
When I lost my Grandparents, again it was different, and although it was very
sad and I miss them dearly, I am and was very accepting of their death. They both
lived a long life dying at the ages of ninety four and ninety eight. Since then
since I have a very large family, I have lost many Aunts and Uncles as well. In
a way I think I have lost some of the “Shock” value when it comes to death.
Although death is a natural part of life I am not looking forward to the days
when I am older and will be attending funeral after funeral. Because of all my experiences with death, I
think I have learned to appreciate just living each day to the fullest, and I
am focused on making my life a meaningful one.
I know this was a long Blog, so thank you for reading. This
course has been very enjoyable for me.
