Week 10 "The Grief Process"

Week 10

The Grief Process

 

This week I had to choose this topic because of my own real life experiences with grief.  I have had to deal with this topic more than the average person has had to do in one’s lifetime beginning at an early age. Through the reading on page 613 in the textbook they talk about the phases one goes through when we lose a loved one, bereavement, grief, and mourning. Out of those three phases I have dealt with grief the most. A few background notes; my mother suffered from renal failure when I was only six, she received a kidney transplant, however that failed after fifteen years, she then was reliant on dialysis for many years after that. My mother passed away when I was only twenty four, she was at a very young age, only forty four. Only four short years after my mother passed I lost my niece (barely 4yrs old) and nephew (only 2) in a tragic house fire. Later in life when I was nearing my forties I lost my Grandparents within a year apart. The reason I give this history is because I dealt with the grief of each passing quite different. In the case of my mother I experienced “Anticipatory grief”, I was way too young to lose her, but at the same time I had watched her suffer throughout most my life. I remember going through a few of the reactions they talk about in the book in regards to Kubler-Ross’s Theory about the five reactions on how people deal with death,  the one that sticks out most in regards to my mother was the bargaining one. I remember trying to bargain with God in all my prayers that she would live long enough to see her Grandchildren before she died. Through fate she was able to see four out of the eight born between myself and siblings.

When I lost my niece and nephew, of course the first reaction was major anger, then huge depression (these kids were like my own). I then took on a reaction not really discussed here, a “Protector” for my sister. I learned to put my own grief on the back burner and focus on holding her together. I can see by doing that I have took on a risk factor to myself because I would not let myself grieve because I had to remain strong for her. To this day losing those kids has been the worse tragedy I have had and still deal with. They say losing a child is a lifelong grieving process and I can see why. When I lost my Grandparents, again it was different, and although it was very sad and I miss them dearly, I am and was very accepting of their death. They both lived a long life dying at the ages of ninety four and ninety eight. Since then since I have a very large family, I have lost many Aunts and Uncles as well. In a way I think I have lost some of the “Shock” value when it comes to death. Although death is a natural part of life I am not looking forward to the days when I am older and will be attending funeral after funeral.  Because of all my experiences with death, I think I have learned to appreciate just living each day to the fullest, and I am focused on making my life a meaningful one.

I know this was a long Blog, so thank you for reading. This course has been very enjoyable for me.

Week 9 Blog "Wisdom"

Week 9 

Wisdom 

I chose the topic about wisdom this week because it is something I see us as a culture loosing touch with. I am very lucky that I have learned a lot from caring for my Grandparents in their later stages of life. Although caring for the elderly can be overwhelming, the gifts of wisdom they can provide is very much overlooked these days. I disagree with the text book when it talks about how research shows that age and wisdom have no association with each other? I do agree when it talks about how older people can act wiser in given situations. The text book talks about the four characteristics of wisdom based on research of interviews with young people, middle age people and the older generation. Of the four characteristics I think the one that states "Wisdom is knowledge with extraordinary scope, depth, balance that is applicable to specific situations" is the most correct meaning. I would like to know more about the topic in general regarding what wisdom truly is defined as in the eyes of the elderly. If I could do more research on this topic I would love to see more programs designed to put younger people together with older people and have open discussion forums. I would like to see our education systems include more interaction with the elderly. I think young children have become more and more detached from the elderly because they are not exposed to them as much as they were decades ago. I know that when I cared for my Grandparents, I learned so much from them just by taking the time to listen to what they had to say, listening to the ways they made it through difficult times in their lives. I think we could all benefit from listening to our older generation, now we just have to figure out how to make the time to do so. 

Week 8

Week 8 

Midlife Myths 

This week I had to comment on this topic because it is something I am really interested in, and the fact that I am doing my project on this topic I have been reading a lot about it. Although I enjoyed the article "Midlife Myths" I can say that even though the data shows that middle age is suppose to be the best times of our lives, I do not agree. They say this because apparently most people are financially secure by this age, and for the most part stable in a relationship, also middle aged people are headed towards the end of their careers. In this article they suggest that midlife crisis is more of a myth, or that very few people experience this, again I think they need to investigate a little further. I myself am in my mid-life stage and I am the prime example of a midlife crisis. In my thirties this may have been more of a reality, but then the bomb dropped. My marriage was lost after 26 years, I lost my great paying job because of a forced relocation that I was not able to do, I experienced "Empty Nest" syndrome, and found myself starting in college with no financial backing, if this isn't a crisis than I don't know what it is. If I could discuss this with the author I would ask her how many people in this age range were included in the research, and also it would be interesting to know if the recent recession plays a big role, shifting towards midlife crisis. I have to admit after reading this article I kind of felt like a looser, however I am going to stay strong and keep aiming for my goals, I may not reach them for quite sometime but it is all I have left, crisis or not I will come out on top once again.  

Week 7

Week 7 

Becoming an Adult

This week I could not help but comment in the topic of "Becoming an Adult", watching teachers pod cast and reviewing some of the articles, along with the text book, I found myself feeling like I was 100yrs old. The fact that people between the ages of 18-25yrs old is now thought to be called "Threshold" period in their lives seems very strange to me until I reflect back on what we have been studying this whole quarter. It seems to me that there is a huge shift in the entire "Lifespan" of people. I really hadn't noticed it so much until we got to this chapter. After reading more about today's generations, I look back and see a trend for sure, it seems to all be building from what we have already been discussing. Ok so now that I feel ancient, I can say that I was one of those people that graduated High School and then got married right away, moved away from home, got a job, and started my family by the time I was 23. Looking at the way we currently look at early adulthood, I can see disadvantages and advantages. The advantage would be that people are able to take their time becoming an adult, going to collage, living at home longer, being able to enjoy the early 20's a bit more and take your time choosing a more meaningful career. The disadvantage in my opinion is that if you start to be more independent earlier in life, you perhaps can get some of the serious "Life" lessons out of the way earlier and learn from mistakes so that by the time you do have a family you are a bit more wiser for it. Also if you start college a bit later, you can actually appreciate it more. I would think that we will be seeing a lot more "Older" parents within a few generations, and me personally am glad my kids are already grown and I still have time to enjoy my own time, but then again that is just my opinion. If I could ask more questions, I guess I would wonder why it is ok for our kids that are only 18 able to go fight for our country, and be held accountable for the lives of others if our culture is moving to a more delayed adulthood? after the readings, I can see how this is a growing trend.

Week 6 Blog

Teens searching for identity

I was really interested in the topic about teens finding their identity this week. As a parent I didn't particularly like this phase in adolescence with my own children, I was always so frustrated by the things they did, especially my daughter. After reading more about why teens go through this phase I can understand it better. I as a kid didn't go through the same intensity as my daughter, nor did my son, so I was always shocked by the things she would do. Learning about how teens develop their identities through hypothetical reasoning, practicing different selves and trying to figure out which one fits them best can be very scary as a parent, however reading through the chapters I found myself having a lot more compassion for teenagers. 

I found it very fascinating about how scientists are discovering more and more about the developing brain as they mature through puberty. I read that they have been following kids from a very young age and as they are growing up, they are performing imaging on their brains to monitor the changes. If I could ask the scientist more questions I would like to know why they are only doing the imaging every two years, would it be too dangerous to do it more often?  I also kept asking myself why was it that my daughter went through this phase with such a passion. She would sneak Gothic clothes to school changing her entire look and then changing back before coming home, and then within a year she was trying out for cheerleader. I read that much of the experimentation is revolving around possible career choices that kids imagine themselves to be in and related behavior can stem from that. When I look back my daughter was very much of the artistic type, so expressing herself in the ways she did now make more sense to me.  No wonder 15-year olds spend so much time goofing off, they spend most of their time being in the diffusion status, being so overwhelmed with trying to find who they want to be that they just find it easier to ignore trying to figure it all out and opt to sit and watch TV or play video games instead.

Week 5 Blog

Media and the links between masculinity and violence

This week there were so many interesting topics to choose from, I decided to discuss something I can relate well too and I found it in the film called “Tough Guise” looking at the masculinity of our culture and the role media plays between it and violence. The reason I can relate so well is that I manage a hip hop artist and he happens to come from a poor family growing up in a typical black urban area in Tacoma. Even though this person is not black, he definitely has the “Black Cool-Pose” thing going on, this behavior usually comes out in full mode whenever he is around other rappers. I often observe my artist “Acting” out the typical tough gangster look whenever he has a performance, or when he is hanging out with other Rappers. When we travel for shows I see this so called “Cool-Pose” going on with all the guys, the way they talk, act, and portray themselves to be “Too cool for school”, I found myself laughing through that part of the film because it is so true. Sometimes I have to ask myself “Who is that guy, cause he doesn’t act that way around me at home”? After watching the film I can see how this whole idea of acting out a tough gangster lifestyle has become so well known in the rapping industry. I find it interesting that the film suggests this whole gangster style came from films like the God Father and what the black youth took out of those films and began to stereotype that type of lifestyle. I think watching the film helped me to realize where this type of culture came from and how it is all portrayed by the media, even middle class white boys look up to under privileged blacks and want to be and act the same way with a “Cool-Pose” stance, acting out by using their body language and slang talk. Music videos play such a huge role in this industry, hyping up the whole “Gangster” lifestyle and all the luxuries the fame surrounding it can bring. Now with children having TV’s in their own bedrooms with no supervision on what they are watching, it is no wonder this type of culture is in full swing, kids want to be just like P-Ditty or for that matter Eminem, unfortunately violence is usually a huge part of the whole gangster portrayal.  

Week 4

Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

         

I found the article “The Great A.D.D Hoax” very interesting, and would like to make some comments regarding this article. The author David Keirsey, clearly states that attention deficit disorder is nothing but a mere hoax, although I agree with the majority of what he has to say on this topic, I still think more research needs to be done in order to rule it out altogether. David points out the list of “Causal symptoms” of A.D.D that are listed in the DSM IV manual and states that they are pretty much ridiculous. When I read through the list of symptoms, I could not help but wonder why these symptoms are not more defined, to me they seem to be more of list of what a lot of “Normal” children experience on a day to day basis, some more than others but still could be addressed without killing our children’s brains with such things like Ritalin (known to cause growth stunt, brain atrophy, and loss of muscular movements). I would ask the author what suggestions he has for ruling out the disorder altogether. Far too often parents look for a magic cure to calm their children down, and they think by giving their kids medication, it will solve the problem. I learned by reading this article that we as parents should be playing a more active role in finding other ways to help their kids succeed with overcoming learning disabilities by exploring other methods of treatments other than stimulants and brain altering drugs. The author has some very interesting ideas on how to teach a child to deal with his/her own consequences, David has written a paper entitled “Abuse it-Lose it”, I would like to hear more about what he has to say in regards to teaching your children, rather than medicating them.

This topic about ADHD is very interesting to me as my own daughter was diagnosed with it in High school and we as parents were so torn with treatments for her. Looking forward to reading more about it.